“Freeing yourself was one thing, claiming ownership of that freed self was another.” — Toni Morrison

Introduction: The Emotional and Spiritual Cost of Letting Go

These past two weeks, I’ve had so many conversations with people who feel like they are at a crossroads. They are at a point in their life where they know something needs to change. Whether it's a job or relationship- they know there is something that isn't working. And yet, they can't even imagine it being different. When we talk about possibilities, so many people have told me they don't even know what it means to be happy. They can’t imagine it. And the more I sat with that, the more I realized that this is part of why we stay too long in places that don’t fit us anymore. We don’t take the time to imagine what it means to live differently.

That was true for me too. At the start of 2024, I made the decision to walk away from a space that felt personal, familiar, and tied to my identity. It wasn’t just a physical exit—it was spiritual and emotional surgery. And like most surgeries, it hurt before it healed. What made it harder was how many personal relationships were tied to that space. I’m the type of person who likes my independence. As a lone wolf ego persona, it is much easier for me to be alone than to trust community. So when I trust people and feel hurt—leaving feels like a type of death. I questioned myself, I questioned my value, and I questioned aspects of my future.

The truth is deciding to leave hurts, and when we acknowledge that, we can begin to look at how we can care for ourselves during the process instead of trying to run away from the process - by staying. Leaving situations, relationships, and spaces that no longer feel aligned is one of the hardest decisions we can make. Often, we face the fear of the unknown, judgment from others, second-guessing ourselves, and the loneliness that can follow. Yet, staying in unaligned spaces forces us to mask our true selves, leaving us disconnected and unfulfilled.

But here’s what I learned: Leaving doesn’t mean losing. It means choosing yourself. And while choosing yourself is never easy, it’s worth it.

Why Leaving Feels So Hard

Leaving spaces that no longer serve us feels like ripping off a bandage and finding out the wound underneath is still raw. When I decided to leave my situation a year ago, I was scared—not just of the unknown, but of being wrong. What if I misread the situation? What if I made things worse? And what if the loneliness that followed felt heavier than the misalignment I had just escaped?

The truth is, we don’t just leave people or places—we leave parts of ourselves behind too. We leave the version of us that chose the situation because we needed it at the time. We leave the version(s) of us worked overtime to keep things together. We leave the hope that maybe things could still work out if we just tried harder. And sometimes, we leave the story we’ve told ourselves about who we are and who we need to be.

But staying? Staying often costs more. It costs your peace. It costs your authenticity. It costs your freedom.

If you’re afraid of leaving, remind yourself that the fear of loss is often a mask for the fear of growth. What if what’s on the other side of this decision is the version of you that’s finally free?

What Are You Really Leaving Behind?

When we stay in spaces that no longer fit, we sacrifice parts of ourselves. We quiet our needs, make excuses for discomfort, and wear masks to keep the peace. It’s survival mode. And survival mode works—until it doesn’t.

What I realized is that leaving didn’t just mean losing people—it meant gaining clarity. It meant stepping away from roles and routines that kept me small. It meant reclaiming the parts of myself that had been hiding.

Ask yourself: Are you leaving alignment, or are you leaving the version of you that learned to survive instead of thrive?

Doing the Work: Ego, Vulnerability, and Self-Assessment

One of the hardest things about leaving is the ego check. I had to admit that part of me—the lone wolf—was scared to be seen. Vulnerability isn’t something I’ve always handled well. Leaving forced me to be vulnerable with myself and admit that I was tired of hiding behind strength.

If you’re in a space that feels off but you’re scared to let go, try this:

• Imagine the unknown as fertile soil, not a void. Journal about what could grow when you let go and step into new possibilities.

• Focus on your intentions rather than perfection. Remind yourself that protecting your peace is not selfish—it’s self-honoring.

• Build rituals that ground you in your evolving identity—whether that’s creating affirmations, revisiting old dreams, or leaning into creative outlets.

• Release the need to explain your journey. Focus on aligning with people who celebrate, rather than question, your growth.

An Invitation for 2025: Assess Your Connections

As we step into 2025, I encourage you to take inventory of the people, places, and habits in your life. Ask yourself:

• What parts of me are being fed by these connections?

• What parts of me feel drained or limited?

• Where am I prioritizing my vulnerable or child-like self, and am I caring for her or leaving her exposed?

The goal isn’t to judge yourself but to get curious. Pay attention to patterns, fears, and places where you feel most like yourself.

Final Thoughts: The Freedom in Letting Go

Leaving is rarely easy, but it’s often necessary. While the cost of leaving includes fear, loneliness, and identity shifts, the reward is freedom—the freedom to stop masking, to honor your truth, and to build a life rooted in alignment.

As you step into 2025, give yourself permission to release what no longer fits and create space for what’s meant to grow. Growth may be uncomfortable, but nothing blooms without first breaking out of its shell.

You are worth the work, the risk, and the discomfort. Trust the process, and trust yourself.

Resources:

Here are some resources that also may help.

• Nedra Glover Tawwab: Set Boundaries Find Peace -practical guide to building healthier relationships and reclaiming your peace by learning how to set and maintain boundaries. Tawwab offers actionable strategies to identify toxic patterns, communicate needs clearly, and break cycles of people-pleasing and overextending, making it a must-read for anyone ready to prioritize their well-being.

• Martha Beck: The Way Of Integrity - this book is a powerful guide to reclaiming your true self by recognizing and releasing the ways you’ve been conditioned to betray your inner truth. Through personal stories and practical tools, Beck encourages readers to dismantle illusions, face discomfort, and embrace alignment as a path to deep happiness and freedom.

• Serious Daydreaming - Shelah Marie Meditation Mixtape - If you are struggling with what happy looks like, use this meditation to connect to what your subconscious may be envisioning.