Breaking Generational Patterns: Healing the Wounds We Inherit

Have you ever paused to ask yourself, Why am I like this? Maybe it was after overcommitting yet again or swallowing your feelings to keep the peace. Maybe it hit you in the middle of pushing through exhaustion, feeling like you had no other choice. Sis, if this sounds familiar, you’re not alone—and it didn’t start with you.

For so many of us, the ways we show up in the world are tied to stories and behaviors passed down from generations before us. And while those patterns may have helped our mothers, grandmothers, and great-grandmothers survive, they can keep us stuck when we’re ready to thrive. This is what generational trauma looks like, and it’s time we name it so we can heal it.

What Is Generational Trauma?

Generational trauma is the emotional and psychological pain passed down through families. It’s the unspoken grief carried in our DNA, the silence we learned when our mothers couldn’t find the words, and the fear we picked up from watching the world treat us and our ancestors unfairly.

Think about it—our ancestors survived enslavement, colonization, systemic racism, and poverty. They taught us strength because they had to. But that same strength often came at the expense of softness, vulnerability, and rest. We inherited survival, but now we need to learn how to inherit healing.

Recognizing the Patterns We Carry

When we slow down and reflect, we start to see the patterns clearer. They might look like:

• Overfunctioning: Feeling like you have to do everything for everyone.

• Perfectionism: Believing you’re only worthy if you get it just right.

• Emotional Avoidance: Avoiding hard conversations or numbing feelings with distractions.

• Self-Sacrifice: Putting everyone else’s needs ahead of your own until you have nothing left.

Does any of this sound like you? If so, take a deep breath. The patterns you see aren’t signs of failure—they’re signposts pointing to where healing is needed.

The Cost of Carrying It All

Let’s be real for a minute—being the strong one is exhausting. And for Black women especially, this expectation of strength is often baked into our identities. We’re praised for our resilience, but rarely asked if we’re okay. We learn to hold it all together, even when we’re falling apart inside.

But carrying it all comes at a cost. It can lead to burnout, anxiety, depression, and even physical symptoms like chronic pain and fatigue. That’s because our bodies and spirits weren’t designed to stay in survival mode forever.

Breaking Free: Tools for Healing Generational Trauma

The good news? Patterns can be broken. Here’s where we start:

1. Reflection and Storytelling
Start by getting curious about your family’s stories. What struggles did they face? What lessons did they teach? What wasn’t talked about? Writing these reflections down or journaling can help bring clarity.

2. Rituals for Release
Rituals are powerful tools for letting go. You can create your own, whether it’s lighting a candle, writing a letter to your ancestors, or using divination tools to connect with your inner wisdom. In my AWAKEN model, I talk about honoring the wisdom of the body, and rituals are one way to do that.

3. Boundaries as Resistance
Setting boundaries isn’t selfish; it’s revolutionary. Whether it’s saying no to overcommitting or carving out time just for you, boundaries disrupt patterns of over-functioning and create space for rest.

4. Community and Connection
Healing isn’t meant to happen alone. That’s why I created the Reflecting Joy Collective—a space for Black women to heal together, honor their stories, and reclaim joy. Community reminds us that we’re not broken—we’re whole, even as we grow.

Reclaiming Joy and Wholeness

You don’t have to keep carrying what isn’t yours. Imagine stepping into a life where rest isn’t guilt-ridden, softness isn’t unsafe, and your worth isn’t tied to what you do for others. That’s the freedom waiting on the other side of healing.

This isn’t about abandoning our roots; it’s about tending to them so we can bloom. And the truth is, healing yourself doesn’t just change your life—it changes the lives of everyone who comes after you.

Ready to Start Your Journey?

If you’re ready to go deeper, I invite you to join me in my upcoming Finding Freedom class, where we unpack self-sabotage and start building tools to release old patterns. Or, if you’re looking for a more immersive experience, check out my AWAKEN intensives designed to jump-start your healing journey.

Sis, your healing is your birthright. Let’s reclaim it together.